Alright, so, I just have to confess that as I left my living room with my laptop to write this post, I said, “Fuck you, Chris,” to the television on the way out.

Chris is a douchebag on Bachelor In Paradise, which I am watching because my girlfriend watches it.

I can tell myself that I am an intellectual, that I am well read, that I am well educated, and that I like quality programming and entertainment but I will get sucked in to reality TV. When Chris gaslights Tia about kissing Crystal after he told Tia that he was all in for her, it gets a rise out of me, man!

I avoid reality television, generally. I’ve never seen a single episode of Survivor or The Amazing Race. I pride myself on that. But I suppose I’m completely full of it because I watched the hell out of The Real World. I watched it up until the Hawaii season when it started to be a trainwreck of a show for pretty college kids to have sex with each other before going to rehab.

I watched The Biggest Loser. I watched the first seasons of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette and then I started watching the twists on those shows: Joe Millionaire, Average Joe, Beauty and the Geek.

Christ, it feels like I’m giving myself an intervention right now.

Admitting a weakness for reality TV isn’t all that original but that’s not what I mean exactly. I hadn’t seen it for so long that I thought I was past it. I thought the tricks would no longer work on me. I can see the editing, assholes! How much content did you actually film and how much are you using? You’re clearly creating a narrative and you should really think about the ethical ramifications of… Tia! Colton is going to screw you over again, girl! Do NOT fall for this!

You can check out any time you like but you can never leave.

This show is the Stanford Prison Experiment of our age. Eventually people become the characters they think they’re supposed to be. And I’m realizing so do the viewers, myself included. “I mean, I watch it because it’s so stupid, it’s like funny how these people… Oh my God did Jordan just throw that bear in the ocean?! Are you watching this?!”