On Saturday, Tottenham Hotspur lost to Manchester United in the FA Cup semi final at Wembley Stadium. The game was on Fox on American television. So, it was pretty big. We scored first but ended up losing 2-1.

Losing to Manchester United in a big game is not unusual for Spurs. That is the problem.

There is nobility in rooting for an underdog team. I believe that. I also can’t cast my lot with the Manchester United – or these days, Manchester City – fans of the world who act as though they are rooting for a regular team and not the wealthiest, most storied club that consists of the best players poached from lesser teams, all of whom wanted the move because it’s the best team.

But if we’re being honest, Spurs are just like that only not as wealthy, not as storied, and with the same amount of players poached from lesser teams.

So, why do we lose and why does Manchester United win?

Those who don’t watch sports will both cynically and accurately claim that professional athletes are all just mercenary millionaires who happen to be wearing the same shirt week to week (I may be stealing that description from this Mitchell and Webb sketch). And yet a certain character emerges for certain clubs.

Manchester United have a winning mentality. Spurs do not.

It has been this way for all of the seasons that I have been a Spurs fan. In my twelve years of fandom, we have one trophy and haven’t won the league. We sold Luka Modric to Real Madrid because he needed to be at a big club where he could win trophies. Then we did the same with Gareth Bale and squandered the gigantic transfer fee on players that were mostly busts.

But then Mauricio Pochettino came along. Harry Kane became one of the greatest strikers in the world. Dele Alli emerged as a formidable if immature talent. Christian Eriksen – among those who came in with Bale money – started to show real class. We made it to the Champions League this year. Last year we finished above Arsenal for the first time in over twenty years. Things are looking up, right?

Hang on.

We can alway screw up. Always. This is Spurs.

So, here’s the only thing that can salvage this season: finishing in the top four of the Premier League and making it to the Champions League next year. That’s all we have.

And we can screw it up. Chelsea are five points behind us and they can nick fourth spot from us if we lose two games and they win two games. We only have four games left and they’re against Watford, West Brom, Newcastle, and Leicester. These are all mid to lower table teams that we should beat.

So, these are prime games for Spurs to let the pressure get to them and play ineffectively (like they did against Man U on Saturday) and tie or lose, letting Chelsea back into the chase and then… and then…

And then, well, nothing really. Spurs are my team. I’ll watch them next season no matter what but, man, it’s getting hard. I guess on some level I’ve adopted the idea that this leisure activity of watching soccer should be challenging. It’s actually got me paranoid. How are they going to break my heart this time? Because there’s a way. There’s always a way.