Having recently read the terms “stroller privilege” and “food shaming,” I realized that I have been asleep at the wheel with regards to keeping my shame and privilege arsenal fully stocked. With that in mind, I submit for your approval some other types of shame and privilege.

Bandwagon Fan Shaming

This is common but you have to have the courage to say, “Yes, this is a brand new LeBron James jersey. I enjoy the National Basketball Association and the entertainment that I consume is none of your concern, thank you.”

Subway Dancer Privilege

Nothing can silence a subway car faster than hearing, “It’s showtime!” We silently watch these guys do a copy of a copy of a copy of a routine that some kids came up with years ago. It’s illegal and yet no one can stop them. (See also: Mariachi Privilege)

Shame Shaming

You’ve been shaming people and now you’ve been shamed for it. That’s a real bummer. I know how you feel. I know because, if you’ve experienced this, we are both white males.

George Clooney Privilege

This isn’t so much a concept as much as it’s just recognizing that being George Clooney seems pretty sweet.

Transplaining Shaming

This is when a transgendered person is shamed for mansplaining. (Please note that this is extremely rare.)

Guy in the Office Who Says “Hot enough for ya?” Privilege

You aren’t protected by systemic societal structures but you are, however, protected by thousands of years of conditioning. Homo sapiens have come to frown upon violence directed at someone who is not physically threatening. The only thing the prevents you from getting punched in the face is widely accepted social norms. Remember that.

Privileged Shame

This one is different. It’s shame reserved only for the privileged. For example, the other members of the board know that your trophy wife didn’t sign the prenup; two words: certified pre-owned; the only Bush to send you a Christmas card was Marvin, et cetera, et cetera.