One of the funniest things I ever read on facebook was a college friend who was coming to New York. She posted, “Does anyone have any food recommendations?”

Not your favorite vegan Ethiopian Vietnamese fusion in Nolita. Just “food.” I loved it. It’s like saying which grain of sand on this beach is the best. How could you ever respond to that except with, “Try the New York food, it’s great.”

That sounded kind of bitchy and snobby didn’t it? Well, I’m a New Yorker, I’m kind of bitchy and snobby.

But beyond that, recommending things for people to do in New York truly is tough. You don’t want it to recommend touristy things but, well, you’re recommending things for a tourist. I assembled a list a while back in this post. Here’s my New York tourist attraction list:

• Walk across the Brooklyn Bridge.
• When you get to the Brooklyn Side, go to Julianna’s for pizza.
• Then go walk on the Brooklyn Heights Promenade.
• Ride the Staten Island Ferry to Staten Island and back. Don’t get off. Time it so that the sun is setting on your way there and it’s dark on the way back, so you see lower Manhattan lit up.
• Eat a burger. Go to Corner Bistro. If not, Shake Shack. That’ll do.
• Walk the Highline then go to the Whitney.
• Go to Central Park. Then go to Prospect Park.
• Walk around the West Village. Have a drink at the White Horse, Kettle of Fish, or Chumley’s (haven’t been to the remodeled one but, eh, still go).
• Go to TKTS and get tickets for a musical, any musical, it really doesn’t matter.

But people always want to know what the authentic experience is, what New Yorkers really do. When you live here, the things that your life gets specific. In a city with a seemingly infinite amount of people and places, your world actually gets smaller than if you lived in a small town where you could experience everything.

With that in mind, I’ll give you my New York recommendations.

Go to Bagel World in Park Slope and get a bacon, egg, and cheese on an everything. Then go to Cafe Martin and get a large red eye. Then take it back to my apartment and watch Premier League soccer on my couch. It’s a hidden gem deep in the heart of Brooklyn.

Go to my improv rehearsal in Koreatown on Tuesdays. It’s hit or miss but usually good for a laugh.

Ride the N or the Q over the Manhattan Bridge for a quick glimpse of the Brooklyn Bridge in the morning. That way you miss the crowds but you really get to take in the whole structure. It’s impressive.

Go to The Gate for a beer. Ask the bartender what IPAs they have on tap. Then go sit in a chair in their outside area, read a book, and think, “I’m the only person here not in a group and I can’t tell if that’s sad or not.” Perfect for a Friday night.

Go to the Whole Foods on 3rd street in Park Slope. They have groceries there.

Looking for something to do with the family? Go to Westchester or Montclair, NJ. As I understand it, there’s a child’s birthday party there literally every weekend.

Want to unwind? Take a nap in my bed. Another hidden gem deep in the heart of Brooklyn.

There you have it, folks, a real insider’s guide to the city that never sleeps!*