It was a great day when I realized that our cable package, the one my new roommate insisted on getting, included the Fox Soccer Channel. In high school and middle school, before the internet, I had to rely on a periodical called Soccer Weekly and Sunday mornings of Italian soccer complete with Italian commentators and a wide array of teams that I had no affinity for. FSC focuses on the English Premier League which is the league I wanted to follow in the first place (You hear me, Greg Stevens? Juventus can eat my ass.)

But first, a digression:

My dealings with fandom are relatively new. After following the Buffalo Bills in the 90’s, I had a fan hangover that lasted for about a decade. In college, Sundays were devoted to actual hangovers, not football. After college, I dismissed sports as a vehicle for mindless, work-oriented small talk. Sports seemed like the opiate of the working masses and I needed to remain apart from it.

But then something happened. In 2004, in an act of what seemed to me to be flagrant greed, the New York Yankees purchased Alex Rodriguez. It almost seemed like an abuse of power and in 2004 many of us had (and still have) abuse of power on the brain. Maybe it was my Irish Catholic inferiority complex or my disdain for their pretty, successful Manhattanite fans (not all of them are so, but you get my point). Whatever it was, I knew one thing: I hated the Yankees. The rediscovery of my passion for sports was born from hate.

And in October of 2004, we all know what happened. The Boston Red Sox embarrassed the Yankees. It was beautiful. Following that series made me feel like I was part of something. I joined in the conversations. I, the prince of indecision, chose a side. And the bastards didn’t win.

In watching sports, I support David, not Goliath. You can support a team that wins nine times out of ten. But it doesn’t matter when all the excitement, all the legendary play, all of the moments that really stick with you happen during that tenth time.

But it’s important to note that I am not a Red Sox fan. To become one at that point would have been cheap. I couldn’t have joined in with the people who had suffered a losing team for those eighty odd years and claim to be an equal. (Nor could I join in with an ever expanding “nation” who are growing more insufferable by the season. What ever happened to David anyway? Did he sign a lucrative sling deal and turn into a complete dick?) Besides that, I’m a New Yorker. I’ve got nine years in the city under my belt and all of my formative years in the state since the age of four. So, it had to be a New York team and it had to not be the Yankees.

Enter the New York Mets, bastard child of the legacies of the New York Giants and the Brooklyn Dodgers (the original not-Yankees). I joined my friends Snaj and Prince in the Mets’ faithful. I had my team with it’s slow burn of ups and downs. And with the St. Louis series and the greatest collapse in baseball history, I feel like I’ve got some suffering under my belt, so no one can cry fair weather fan.

I also need to mention that I realize that the Mets are not some sob story. They have a payroll at least in the top five of MLB and our fans are still New Yorkers (i.e. they have the potential to be every bit as irritating as Yankee fans). So, I’ll admit that I like underdogs but without too much emphasis on “under”.

Also, it’s possible for me to accept you as a Yankee fan but only under a few conditions. First, you have to have been born in Manhattan or the Bronx. (Special consideration will be given to those born in New Jersey, north of Newark.) Second, you have to come from a family of Yankee fans at least one of whom meets the first condition. Third, you have to have become a fan in the 80’s when the Yankees sucked.

But I digress.

What does baseball have to do with English football? Well, nothing really, but my relationship to both sports as a fan is very similar. I knew that I needed to have a team. Following the league as a whole doesn’t work well without the context of having a team to support. I knew I needed a Premier League team and I went about selecting one.

I must admit here that my decision was influenced greatly by The Sports Guy’s article about this very question. Some of his criteria made no difference to me – celebrity fans or whether the team’s home ground could double as a vacation destination – but on the whole, the spirit of his analysis made sense. I had my own process but I often referred to his article.

Starting from scratch, I realized that I first needed to have at least heard of the team. I’m actually pretty well versed in Football Clubs in Europe, so this didn’t eliminate too many. In checking out the Premier League, I was surprised to find out that some top level teams have fallen on hard times and been relegated to lower levels (Nottingham Forest, Crystal Palace, Leeds United, Sheffield United and Sheffield Wednesday). So, after our first round of cuts, we’re talking Manchester United, Manchester City, Liverpool, Everton, Arsenal, Chelsea, Tottenham Hotspur, Fulham, West Ham, Aston Villa, Blackburn and Newcastle.

Now the first ones to go are Manchester City, Everton, Fulham, West Ham, Aston Villa, Blackburn and Newcastle. These teams all have history. Manchester City and Everton (not-Man U. and not-Liverpool, respectively) are having great years. But selecting any of these would be just too random. For example, I couldn’t tell you what city Aston Villa plays in without going to wikipedia. Secondly and more importantly, I wanted a team that featured members of the English national team – prominent members, anyway (sorry, Michael Owen). I could have chosen Fulham for its members of the American national team but like I said, I don’t want to emphasize the “under”.

Manchester United is also out. They’re the Yankees of British football. A point to illustrate. Wayne Rooney was an Everton fan growing up. He was a sixteen year old prodigy playing for his boyhood team. He even wore a shirt that said “once a blue, always a blue”. But then he up and demanded a transfer to Manchester United. Where’s the loyalty, Wayne? Not enough of a star on Everton?

I have a problem with American Manchester United fans in particular and I refuse to be one. I understand wanting to follow a successful team. No shame in that, but the most successful team since the inception of the Premier League? Really? You literally could not be more of a fair weather fan. So, I just can’t. Perhaps through some grandfather clause I could justify it but my family is from Leeds and Sheffield, not Manchester. They’re out.

Liverpool? I like Steven Gerrard a lot but I just can’t see it. While not exactly as obnoxious as Manchester United, they are historically the most successful team in British football. I would need a good reason to support them without being from Liverpool or having any ties to the city.

This left Arsenal, Chelsea and Tottenham. Here’s where it gets embarrassing.

I was going to be an Arsenal fan. This is particularly awful considering the team that I did choose. But they seemed like a valid choice. I had heard of them. They’re from London. Nick Hornby wrote a book about them. They’re one of England’s best, most storied teams. So, I set out to be a fan in the only way I knew how – buying a jersey. I went all the way up to the upper east side to the only soccer store in New York that I could find and they were out of Arsenal jerseys. Arsenal was out.

I am ultimately glad I decided against Arsenal. First of all, no one on the team is English. I mean, they have Theo Walcott but he barely plays. Every other star on the team is from some other European or African country. Granted most EPL teams have at least half foreign players, but at least a few Englishmen, and if not Englishmen, then players from the UK. I wanted to follow a club with English national team players, so, I had to move on.

Also, I refuse to support a team that has a right back with this haircut. Sagna looks like an idiot. Christ, that haircut is so dumb he could get kicked out of a rave.

Here’s where it gets really embarrassing. Remember the soccer store that didn’t have Arsenal jerseys? Guess which jerseys they did have? Chelsea!

So started my brief foray into Chelsea fandom. On paper they seem like a good team to support. Lots of English national team stars – John Terry, Frank Lampard, Joe Cole, Ashley Cole and Sean Wright-Phillips. But something wasn’t clicking. I just couldn’t get into the team. Then I read the reason why they had gone on their recent run of success (An FA Cup, a Carling Cup and two league titles). They were bought by Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich who flooded the team with money. So, we’re talking Manchester United bucks without any of the history. As the Sports Guy pointed out, they aren’t the Yankees of the EPL, they’re the Marlins, and that’s just kind of pathetic.

It was an acrimonious break-up and I have since started referring to them as Chelski. The jersey hangs in my closet but I just can’t wear it out in good conscience which is a shame because it’s not a bad shirt.

So, I have decided to support Tottenham Hotspur (American readers, it’s pronounced TOT-en-um, not “ham” and they’re referred to as “Spurs”, but not “The Hotspurs”). As a reader said in an email to Bill Simmons about the team, “if the Dodgers had stayed in Brooklyn, they would be Tottenham Hotspur.” That’s pretty much all I needed to hear. They have the same fanatical fan base and the same underachieving team. Though, they’re not too “under” – they’re one of the handful of teams to have never been relegated from the Premier League.

It’s hard to articulate your feeling about a team with a list of players or statistics. Instead, I’ll tell you about the Carling Cup.

If you do a search for soccer bars in New York, Floyd comes up. It’s on Atlantic Street in Brooklyn. I live in Williamsburg but my friend Jon just moved to that neighborhood. So, I figured I’d get him and some other friends to meet up there and watch the final. I checked the website and saw a small graphic that said official site of the NY Spurs Supporter Club. Neat, I thought. Some other people who like Tottenham, that should be nice.

My friend Josh got there first. He called me from the bar. “Hey, just wanted to see if you were on the way.” I could barely hear him. “Yeah, I’m down the street. Dude, is it crowded?” “Yeah, man,” he said, “it’s, uh, it’s a little crowded.”

When I got there, the bar was full (at 11AM, mind you) of drunk English people all wearing either a Tottenham jersey like I was (so, sue me, I like jerseys) or a NY Tottenham Supporters Club t-shirt reading “The Chosen Team” on the back. They were singing songs and up close managed to be just as passionate and incomprehensible as they are when you hear them on television.

Josh and I sat up front in the only two seats left. The room actually provoked anxiety. My God, I thought, I do not want to be around these people if Spurs lose.

And they almost did. Didier Drogba scored first for Chelsea off a free kick past a frozen Paul Robinson. Later, Dimitar Berbatov equlized off of a penalty shot. And in extra time, Jonathan Woodgate, one of the center backs, scored off a header. Tottenham had won. My fate as a Tottenham fan was sealed. Come on, you Spurs.

But, ultimately, it’s all arbitrary isn’t it? What if Spurs hadn’t won that day? Would I still be a supporter? I like to think so but you never know. What if there had been Arsenal jerseys at the soccer store that day?

I guess the answer is, who cares? I chose a team. And it’s been fun to follow them. It’s a big step as a fan and a minuscule step as a human being. And maybe there’s something to my psychological makeup that I choose underachieving teams. Whatever. What I do know is that when I was in high school I loved soccer and I like having it back.