So, according to Alex Jones, the Democrats are going to launch a Civil War on July 4th. It’s an interesting claim and pretty on brand for Jones in that it’s divisive and absurd but devastating if it were correct. Naturally, none of us were contacted about it and since we are all for gun control, I don’t really know how we’d fight it.

It’s a failing of our public school system that I just had to google what actually happened on Independence Day. We signed the Declaration of Independence. Apparently, I couldn’t put that together without google.

July 4th is one of my least favorite holidays. (Alex, can someone like me really be behind a Civil War? I’m dumb and, apparently, not particularly patriotic.) I hate summer and I’m not a fan of fireworks. There was something about fireworks that always made me feel like such a lemming. Everyone would gather in some park, stare up at the sky, ooh, ahh, then pack it all in and walk back the way we came.

For a few years, I used to go up to Boston for July 4th. My friends has a great apartment with roof access and we could all still drink like college kids. And Boston is a good place to be on July 4th, it just feels more, I don’t know… colonial? Revolutionary? (Someone once told me that we celebrate Boston as this patriotic city because we won all the Revolutionary War battles there. There were just as many battles in New York, we just lost all of them. Again, I’m going off of third hand info but I’ve repeated this “fact” many times.) I have good memories of those particular trips but all the other July 4ths, not so much. It’s kind of like a day version of New Year’s Eve. You kind of wander around, hoping that someone is doing something that you can be invited to, then it’s a big let down, and you make time to watch a mundane light thing that you all collectively pretend is exciting.

I’m being cynical. It’s a day off. Watermelon is good. Major League Baseball players where different hats that day to mark the occasion. A lot of people are on vacation this week. You spend time with family. I get it. I’m running a 10K on Governor’s Island like I did last year. (Governor’s Island was used in the Revolutionary War by the way – I didn’t even see that connection coming, people.) After that, a nap.

And then apparently, I’m going to go fight in a new Civil War. I just hope it starts as the sun’s setting and it’s not too hot.