When I returned to work on January 2nd of this year, I felt relieved. After a break of sleeping too late, eating whatever I wanted, and drinking whatever I wanted, I needed some structure. I was glad to have somewhere to be in the morning, glad to be back to alternating between three or four of the same lunch spots every day, glad to be going to improv rehearsals and shows.

The holiday season was about a week and a half. This is week three of the shut down.

I remember a sentiment being shared on social media when this started, “this isn’t a snow day.” I agree. This is something to be taken seriously.

I have to say, though, if you take it seriously and follow the guidelines for staying safe, it, uh, kinda becomes a snow day. You have to stay home and there’s a novelty to the experience. You allow yourself to do things you wouldn’t normally do, guilt free. Eat too much, drink too much, watch too much TV. Some of us are cooped up with restless kids or roommates and need to find ways to cope. But at least you can reach out to others who are in the same situation.

And it’s kind of fun. At first.

This week I’ve felt a serious plateau. I feel a bit like Renton in Trainspotting when he’s starting to kick. I can’t feel the cabin fever yet but it’s in the mail, that’s for sure.

I still have things anchoring me. I have work. I meditate. I run five days out of seven. I cook. I clean. All things considered, I’m doing okay.

I just feel stale.

The idea that I don’t have to go anywhere and I’m not missing out on anything has kind of lost its shine. So has taking a nap whenever I want. Nothing is interesting to watch. I mean I watched Tiger King and, though it was addictive and fun, I still felt dirty having spent time with those people, like my soul woke up in a motel in Vegas after a bender and hadn’t brushed its teeth or changed its sweatpants in a few days.

Also, it bears mentioning that a single man living in an apartment with high speed internet and unlimited privacy has at his disposal an activity. For the sake of decorum, I’ll call this activity peeling an orange.*

* I’m borrowing this phrase from a friend who I’m sure doesn’t want the public attribution.

Peeling an orange can, in the words of Maude Lebowski, be a natural, zesty enterprise. However, there are diminishing returns when it’s done not because the mood strikes but simply because you can. “Hey, it’s 2:28, I’ve been working all day, why not peel an orange?” Sure, it’s a nice respite from your day but then it’s 2:31 and you have to get back to work. And then before you know it, you’re saying to yourself, “Hey, it’s 3:07, I’ve been working all day…” As the day draws to a close, you reflect on how you spent it and you aren’t proud of what you find.

I still leave the house about once a day and I’m not sure how safe that is. I go out to run and buy groceries and by “groceries” I mean beer.* The last time I went to the bodega, the guy behind the counter was wearing a mask and had a clear piece of plastic put up in front of his counter and I thought, am I risking my life for a six pack?** Last night, I dumped my beer cans in the recycling bin outside my building and though, “Jesus, that was only me.” There’s something particularly shameful about the detritus of your vices.

* And chips, I’m ashamed at how much my diet depends on chips: pita, tortilla, veggie

**It’s actually usually a four pack, I live in Park Slope where craft IPAs are readily available in packs of four 16oz cans.

On the bright side, I apparently shopped pretty effectively when this thing started. But I’m running low. I just has my last serving of the chili I made the first Friday of this. I also stockpiled a bunch of yogurts. When I got them home, I stacked them, multiple columns of four yogurts. “Damn,” I thought, “how am I going to eat all that yogurt?” Now, I’m down to two.

I still don’t wear a mask in public. According to the guidelines, I still don’t think I need to. I’m in a low risk group. I’m staying six feet away from people. I’m not in close contact with anyone who has it. I haven’t been to any kind of gathering of any sort since March 12th and that was the subway ride home from the office. But that tide may be turning as well, by week four I may have several homemade masks.

I’m feeling the need to recommit to some kind of plan. I have my pants plan in place. I shaved the mustache. I meditate and run. I need to cut down on TV during the day, only watch stuff that I actually choose to watch, not white noise.* Don’t use every google hangout with high school friends as an excuse to drink to excess. Maybe lay off the citrus. There’s a reason we work five days then have two off. Leisure time needs to be earned or it’s kind of soul draining.

* I mean technically I don’t know every episode of Cheers so it’s kind of new and I just hit season six with Kirstie Alley and I’ve got to be honest, it’s not really Cheers until Rebecca gets there.

I still don’t know what’s coming but I’m pretty sure we’re not even close to the worst of this yet. Stay safe, y’all.