I saw Eighth Grade last night and really enjoyed it. I think the best part about it was it reminded me how far away I am from those experiences of adolescence. I’m an adult now. I’m forty-one, not thirteen. My life is completely different.

For example, I no longer feel any dread when going to a party with a bunch of people I don’t know. I don’t worry about whether or not they will like me, I don’t play out conversation scenarios in my head just in case I run out of things to day.

I don’t ever feel strange when hanging out with new people and I don’t have anything to say. I no longer feel conspicuous in a bathing suit around literally anyone. I don’t panic when I’m going to call someone on the phone. I don’t compare my life to to those of people online in their social media profiles. I’m perfectly composed and confident around someone I’m romantically interested in. And I don’t put personal content out on the internet with the hope that people will watch or read it and respond.

Okay, you get the bit, right?

Cool. Let’s move on.

Watching the movie is rather uncomfortable. You identify strongly with main character Kayla and, watching as an adult, you realize that you know how to navigate these life situations only slightly better than she does. I felt thankful that I’m no longer around people who would gang up and mock me for sport if the mood struck. So I found myself watching thinking, “My God what indignity is she about to suffer?” The woman to my left was watching the movie with her hands on her face. I hadn’t felt palpable tension in a movie theater like that since I watched The Hurt Locker. I’m not exaggerating.

Director Bo Burnham suffers from anxiety (it’s quite a club, Bo!). He took a break from stand up for two years because of panic attacks (you can read the New Yorker article here or listen to episode 935 of WTF). It might be because I know the signs but his anxiety permeated the movie. We follow Kayla from behind as she walks toward embarrassment. We’re with her at the pool party when she realizes she has to be in a bathing suit in front of the cool kids. The stakes were very real and very high all throughout the movie.

The movie deals with time capsules and talking to your future self. I never made a time capsule but I remember something I wrote in a journal a long time ago. I was lamenting the fact that it seems like you never really get over difficult things in life, you just sort of learn to live with them and keep going. And that’s where we find Kayla by the end of the movie. Her journey with self doubt is far from over but she’s lived through something and come closer to finding her people and she’s moving on.

Also, I’m in love with Josh Hamilton. See the movie, you’ll know what I mean.