That one hurt. I should have kept my damn mouth shut. Anybody but Luis Suarez. It was like I was directly tempting the fates.

Sterling was handled quite well by Uruguay. Wellbeck and Sturridge were ineffective. When England went forward, I didn’t sense any danger to Uruguay. When your most effective crosses come from your left back, perhaps there’s something wrong with your offense. Wayne Rooney got his first goal but it was a sitter and he should have had three (I’ll forgive the free kick that missed the upper corner but the shot from ten yards out and the header that hit the crossbar should have been taken better).

Did Steven Gerrard play in that game? Hold on. Let me google it… Huh. Yeah, he did. Fancy that.

Suarez’s first goal was just bad marking on Jagielka’s part (Apparently Luis Suarez owned Phil Jagielka at every Merseyside derby). Suarez got behind him and his header caught Joe Hart off balance. I could get over the sting of that Suarez goal, it was the first half.

But the second Uruguay goal… Jesus. The ball fell to Suarez out of nowhere and I hope Cahill and Jagielka have nightmares about that goal for the rest of their lives. That shot was a dagger in the heart. I knew it was over. I could barely watch Suarez and his huge teeth celebrate.

Why the hell did Roy Hodgson keep substituting in Ross Barkley and Adam Lallana? Who the hell are they? Rickie Lambert? Jordan Henderson in the starting eleven? Really? Is this just a transition team for England? Or maybe England really is just a small European country that happens to have a great league and a handful of stars that care more about their club than they do about their country. I don’t know.

Maybe it’s better to see your team crash out early so you don’t get your hopes up too high. Watching your team lose in the semis is a worse fate… I can imagine. Weak rationalizations aside, I almost wish that they had been mathematically eliminated. That way, I wouldn’t have this shred of hope before the Italy – Costa Rica game.

What’s the combination of scores that needs to happen again? Costa Rica needs to beat Italy and and Italy needs to tie Uruguay while England beast Costa Rica by seven goals and the Italians have to end up boycotting the tournament and the Costa Ricans have to all contract mono? I don’t even feel like looking it up. I’m tired, you guys.

UPDATE: Costa Rica beat Italy 1 – 0. The English are out.