I got the results of my MRI back yesterday. I have a labral tear in my hip. That is exactly what I did not want to hear.

Weirdly, I feel okay about it.

I shouldn’t.

I mean, you’ve been here before, right? You’ve read what I’ve written? It’s pretty heavy on anxiety and hypochondria. I should be freaking out. Here’s why:

First of all I’m too young for a hip injury. I mean, my hip? Really? When’s the last time you heard, “My forty-one year old friend had a fall and he’s broken his hip”? Probably never. Having a hip problem just seems, like, old.

Second, I need to run. Okay, I don’t need to but I really really want to. I’ve heard people talk about how you get addicted to running. I’m addicted. Seriously. I mean, I ran 6 miles on Sunday. I did it because I wanted to get in one last one just in case the next day a physician told me to stop.

Third, I went to my old friend Dr. Google. The Doc says that labral tears don’t heal without surgery. Unfortunately, my real life doctor says the same thing. The labrum doesn’t get a lot of blood flow which makes healing difficult. So, technically I could have this forever, which means that it could only get worse.

And yet I feel okay about his. Why?

First of all, this happens. There’s a reason there are so many articles from different doctors and different physical therapy clinics online. This is their bread and butter. When I went in for the MRI, the first thing the tech said was, “Marathon?” It was a week after the marathon and apparently they get a lot of people in afterwards. I have my first real running injury and I feel like part of the club for real now.

Second, it seems like physical therapy will work. My labral tear is nondisplaced, which means that it’s still aligned with itself, so, surgery isn’t necessary.

Third, If the worst happens and I need surgery I’ll have to be off my hip for 9 months. This obviously would put a huge dent in my ability to train for the marathon for 2019. But apparently I can defer my 9+1, so, I’ll just wait another year. Hell, running a marathon is on my bucket list, not my next year list. If I have to wait, I have to wait.

Fourth, and this is the important one, I’m kind of just at the end of my rope, hypochondria-wise. I’ve been online. I’ve looked it all up. I’ve worried myself sick.

And then I just kind of existed in that for a while.

Then I went to the doctor, I got all of the appropriate tests. I found out what I needed to find out. I might be okay in six weeks, I might not. But I just can’t worry anymore.

It’s an odd feeling. I’ve been here before but not often.

Maybe it’s that I have a clearer picture of what all of the possible outcomes are, unlike, say, foot drop. I also feel like I can handle each one. There’s something calming in that.

Maybe I’m just in a better place in my life.

Who knows. But I feel okay.

I’m going to physical therapy tomorrow at 8:00AM to get started on my six weeks. I’ll let you know how I feel after that.

Yeah, I know it’s midnight, shut up.