I watched all of Game of Thrones not just in 2018 but in the last three or four months of 2018. My first post about it was in September when I went through seasons 1 and 2. At that point, I still believed that I would finish the books. But honestly, all of the battle jargon that Robb Stark was planning just wore me out. I stopped with about 150 pages to go in the first book.

I got to the Red Wedding in December. And then two days ago, I finished the whole damn series.

I owe all of you fans an apology. I get it, you guys. I do. I’m sorry I scoffed at you all for your Facebook posts and for your endless discussion of what I used to consider to be a Cinemax Dungeons and Dragons.

I’m glad I have to wait a few months now because I need to. You all watched this show a week at a time with months long breaks in between. I consumed seasons in a matter of days. The deaths were coming so rapid fire I wasn’t even getting shocked anymore.

But one thing that never got old was how evil people could be in this show. More than anything, I kept saying, “My God that character’s evil.” Over and over again, about so many different people.

With that in mind, I’d like to give my top 5 most evil Game of Thrones Characters.

First, I’ll give you some candidates that didn’t make the top five.

Cersei and Tywin Lannister

Whoa, really? Yes, really. But the Lannisters are evil, bro! Don’t I know it. They’re cruel and their vengeance is swift and merciless. But they’re kind of like the Keith Hernandez and Gil Hodges of evil. Yeah, they’re legendarily evil but just not quite good enough to get into the Hall of Fame. The Lannisters are about family, consolidating power and keeping it. They’ll break as many eggs as they need to to make their omelet. To me, that’s immoral, not evil.

Walder Frey

This guy is the perpetrator of the Red Wedding for Christ’s sake! That’s evil! But what is Walder Frey’s true desire? Why does he want to be backed by the Lannisters? He wants to be taken seriously. That’s pathetic, not evil.

The Red Woman

She burned a little girl at the stake. She birthed a black mist baby that killed its uncle (what the hell was that, anyway?). She was whispering into Stannis’s ear for him to do her bidding. Evil! But after Stannis was killed and her prophecy was wrong, her faith was shaken to its core. She was actually doing all that because she truly believed. To me that makes her misguided, perhaps even brainwashed, but not evil.

Ser Alliser Thorne

I thought of this guy first when thinking of evil characters but he’s just an asshole. Yeah, he killed Jon Snow but he thought he was doing what was right for the Nights Watch.

Viserys Targaryan

He was the first evil character that I wanted to die (and unlike most Game of Thrones deaths, he did and right on time). He was cruel, arrogant, and entitled. He was horrible to his sister. But he was also a buffoon. He was bratty and impatient. He was a coward and could never rule. His lack of true danger to anyone makes him less evil.

Okay, so those are the runners-up. Now that we’ve established some sort of criteria, here are my top five evil characters.

Gregor Clegane

I can hear the comments coming already. The Lannisters are off this list but The Mountain is on it? Look, what purpose does he serve other than killing? None. In a universe of killers, he’s the best killer. As a child he burned his brother’s face in a fire for playing with his toy. When he got older and almost died, they Frankensteined him up so he could keep killing. There’s nothing else there, just evil. He’s on my list.

Littlefinger

Maaaaaan, fuck this guy. He orchestrated the murder of Jon Arryn! His actions started the whole damn storyline! He betrays everyone. He turns everyone against themselves. He foments chaos and for what?! He’s evil. Yeah, but he loved Catelyn Stark! Bullshit, he was obsessed with her, there’s a difference. And then he says he’s in love with Sansa just because he reminds him of Catelyn. That’s some weird Peter Bogdonovich marrying Louise Stratton shit (I know it’s a weird reference but it’s apt, google it).

Ramsay Bolton

So, there’s no question that he belongs here the only question is, why isn’t he number one? There’s something interesting to me about someone who knows people so well that he knows exactly how to torture them with mind games. It even translated to almost winning the Battle of the Bastards. It was kind of impressive. In other words, he’s evil but he’s got so much style to his evil that there’s something to admire about it.

Joffrey

Okay, so there’s one Lannister on here, a double Lannister. Watching him get poisoned and die was one of my favorite television watching experiences ever. We’re talking like Ross and Rachel kissing for the first time great. Joffrey didn’t have a kind bone in his body. His cruelty was, at best, petty. At worst, it was cruelty for cruelty’s sake and he enjoyed every moment of it. He was a monster.

The High Sparrow

Perhaps not a popular choice but underneath his talk of faith and sin and the gods and his simple clothes and his bare feet and his calm voice and beatific smile beat the heart of a truly evil man. He built an army for himself in the name of faith. He made himself untouchable and he could point his finger at anyone and imprison them claiming they needed to repent. His humiliation of Cersei actually made me feel bad for her. That’s how evil the High Sparrow is, he made me pity Cersei Lannister. I’m glad she blew him up, it was the only way he’d be able to go.