Tonight in improv rehearsal our coach asked us, as part of an exercise, what did you want to be when you grew up? Other people said comic book artist, archaeologist, veterinarian/choreographer/painter.

I didn’t have an answer. I don’t think I really wanted to be anything when I was a kid.

I remember going out at night with my dad when he would walk the dog. We’d walk around the same block, under the same street lamps, talking about the same stuff. I told him that I was going to own a lot of cars and a mansion. I don’t think I really meant it, though.

I know that might sound strange to actually articulate that: you know when I was a child and I said I’d own a mansion and several sports cars, don’t hold me to that. I say that only because I know people who from an early age wanted monetary success and they achieved it.

In fact, that trope of the childhood ambition foreshadowing adult success has always haunted me. When I read The Innovators, it seemed like every successful scientist tinkered when he was a kid. He had a chemistry set or a ham radio which led to graduate work which led to building the first computer, transistor, microchip, operating system, et cetera.

Stephen King wrote stories for his older brother’s mimeographed magazine. Diego Maradona took his soccer ball to bed with him. Those two are just off the top of my head but I know you’ve heard other successful people’s childhood myth.

My childhood held no clues as to my future profession. I was born at a good time to get into computers but they never held much interest for me. I always got good grades and law or medicine seemed like decent things to pursue. Unfortunately, I never cared for either. Biology was my least favorite science subject and I hate arguing. Even when I decided on chemical engineering for college, I didn’t honestly think I would do it. It just sounded like an adult career path.

What did I do as a kid? I played sports but wasn’t an athlete. I liked to color and draw but mostly just copied other artists (cartoonists). I attempted piano and guitar but never practiced. I was a lackadaisical Boy Scout. So, what did I do?

I watched television. A lot of television. I distinctly remember beautiful sunlight coming through the blinds of the little room off to the side of our house that we christened “the TV room.” I could hear other kids playing outside.

This could be the kind of story where I turn into some kind of J.J. Abrams wunderkind creating innovative engrossing stories for what many considered a base medium.

Nope.

I wasn’t observing so I could take notes to create television. I was just watching television because I really liked watching television.

Christ this is sad.

Well, there is one thing.

I loved memorizing lines. And when I grew up, there was a lot of stand up on television. So, I ended up watching and mentally cataloguing my favorite bits. In the fourth grade, I tried stand up in a class talent show. I always got stand up comedy tapes for Christmas. In high school, I could recite bits from memory.

I guess that’s what I really wanted to be as a kid, a stand up. The goal got refined a bit my senior year in college when I saw Spalding Gray’s Swimming to Cambodia for the first time and I realized I didn’t have to be funny all the time.

Now I perform improv and storytelling in New York City. So, I guess I did want to be something when I grew up. I probably could have pursued it harder but we can talk about that another time.

You can’t escape who you are. If I could have picked my obsession, I doubt I would have picked the television but for whatever reason that’s who I was as a kid. All I have to tell the world is you’re welcome because I would have been a terrible lawyer and an even worse doctor.